


No More Broken, No More Fallen Down

by toxicbalance



Series: Even Broken Wings Can Learn to Fly [1]
Category: Les Misérables (2012), Les Misérables - All Media Types, Les Misérables - Schönberg/Boublil, Les Misérables - Victor Hugo
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Asexual Character, Asexuality, Coming Out, Gen, Genderfluid Character, Genderqueer Character, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, in which i over identify with a character, small mention of eating disorders, written for asexual awareness week
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-22
Updated: 2013-10-22
Packaged: 2017-12-30 04:39:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,339
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1014200
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/toxicbalance/pseuds/toxicbalance
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jean doesn’t know what he’s going to do if someone who isn’t Grantaire asks him about his nails. He doesn’t know how he’s going to bring the topic and he’s constantly torn between wanting to hide his hands and wanting to show them. During class he gets distracted by the colors and the smoothness of the polish.</p><p>Jean sees Grantaire waiting by his locker before Grantaire sees him and twists his ring. Jean approaches Grantaire quietly and something in him settles when Grantaire looks up with a smile.</p>
            </blockquote>





	No More Broken, No More Fallen Down

**Author's Note:**

> title from Noise by Gavin Creel. I wrote this for asexual awareness week
> 
>  
> 
> ~~i may or may not have started this after coming out to a friend but that is not the point~~

Jean doesn’t know what he’s going to do if someone who isn’t Grantaire asks him about his nails. He doesn’t know how he’s going to bring the topic up and he’s constantly torn between wanting to hide his hands and wanting to show them. During class he gets distracted by the colors and the smoothness of the polish.

Jean sees Grantaire waiting by his locker before Grantaire sees him and twists his ring. Jean approaches Grantaire quietly and something in him settles when Grantaire looks up with a smile.

“Hey, you ready to go?”

“Yeah” Jean shrinks into himself and hitches his backpack up as a group of freshmen pass them.

“Do you wanna take the bus?” Grantaire says and starts walking.

“You have money for the bus?”

“Yeah. My dad was feeling,” Grantaire pauses and searches for the right word, “generous last night.” Jean knows better than to ask right now, knows in the twist of Grantaire’s lips, in the set of his shoulders. Jean presses closer to his friend in support, knowing that his words can’t do anything right now. “But anyway, your house I assume?”

“Yeah, unless you want me to come over and pose for you?” Jean teases, knowing exactly what Grantaire is going to say.

“My room has shitty lighting, please never again.” Jean laughs.

**

Jean stares blankly at his homework, not taking it in, and flinches when Grantaire says his name.

“You okay? You look kind of like you’re not really here.” Grantaire says from the floor, looking concerned.

“Yeah, yeah. I’m fine.” Jean watches Grantaire go back to doodling on his hand. “Can I ask you something?”

“Yeah, of course.” Grantaire sits up.

“Can you ask me why I wear a black ring, please?” Jean drops his gaze and twists it around his finger.

“Why do you wear a black ring?” Grantaire asks without missing a beat.

“It’s-fuck. It’s a-. It’s an ace ring.” Jean doesn’t (can’t) look up. “Ace as in asexual.” his heart is beating in his ears, drowning out everything else.

“Hey, Jean, hey. It’s okay. You’re okay.” Grantaire stresses the you’re and Jean feels tears burn in his eyes. Grantaire is sitting next to him now (and when did that happen) and has a hand on his shoulder. Jean turns and buries his head in Grantaire’s shoulder. His thin shoulders heave against his t-shirt. Grantaire tentatively puts his hand on Jean’s back, and when he shudders closer, brushes his hand down Jean’s spine.

“You’re okay. You’re better than okay. You’re great, you’re amazing. And you are brave and so so strong.” Grantaire murmurs, listening to his friend cry. “You are the best person I know and I promise that it’s okay even if it doesn’t feel like it now.” Grantaire lets his friend cry and let’s Jean go as soon as he starts to pull back. Jean wipes his eyes with the back of his hand and breathes.

“Your nails look awesome by the way. What do the colors stand for?”

“Um. Well. They’re the colors on the flag.” Jean looks at his hands. “The black stands for just plain asexuality. The gray, well the silver is supposed to be just plain gray but my sister didn’t have gray nail polish, only silver with sparkles in it.”

“I like it with the sparkles, it seems more you if that makes sense.” Grantaire says quietly. “Sorry for interrupting.” 

“It’s alright,” Jean smiles softly, eyes still red. “That line stands for gray asexuality.” Grantaire makes an inquisitive noise. “Gray asexuality is sort of what it sounds like. It’s when you occasionally feel sexual attraction. The white stands for demisexuality. That’s when you only feel sexual attraction after a strong emotional bond is made.” Jean explains, not waiting for Grantaire to ask him to explain. “The last line, the purple one, stands for community. It’s actually supposed to be darker purple but it was either this purple or lavender, and this was closer to what it’s supposed to be.”

“It looks nice.”

“Thanks.” Jean’s voice is almost a whisper. They sit together in the quiet room.

“Um. Please, please, correct if I’m wrong but I just want to make sure I understand this right. Asexuality is just not being sexual attracted to anyone, right?”

“Yeah. You’re right. That’s what it means.”

“Awesome. I just wanted to make sure so I won’t use it wrong.”

Jean nods and glances up at Grantaire. “You don’t think it’s weird?” 

“Why would I think it’s weird? It’s just how you are. It’s like how my favorite color is green but my sister’s is yellow and yours is all of them. It’s completely fine. I’d even argue that you’re lucky that you are. I mean, it gives you a whole new way to view the world you know? I know that me and you see the world differently but it just gives you a perspective that I don’t have. You could think about it another way. If you were in Greek mythology chances are you and your family wouldn’t get in trouble with the gods, because let’s be real Jean, most of the problems in Greek mythology are because someone couldn’t keep it in their pants. Wait, am I being rude if I say your family? Because I didn’t mean your parents, but they would totally get in trouble with the gods anyway.”

“I don’t think so, not about my family I mean. I don’t think I’m - There’s a difference between being sexually attracted to someone and being romantically attracted them. I don’t think I’m aromantic. I don’t want to be alone you know?”

“Yeah. I get that.” Grantaire says. “Do you want to help me with my history homework? I just can’t get through it and I don’t understand the questions.”

“What is it about?”

“I don’t even know at this point. I always have History in the morning so I’m never awake and he makes time to meet with me.”

“Show me the assignment.”

“Thanks Jean. You’re the best.” Grantaire gets up to grab his notebook and the packet.

(Jean doesn’t believe him)

**

Grantaire gives up halfway through his homework and grabs his pen and notebook. Jean can’t bring himself to make Grantaire focus given how he can’t either, so he lies back and lets Grantaire sketch him. The only noise in the room is the sound of the pen on paper and their quiet breathing. 

Grantaire stays for dinner, a dark head at an otherwise light haired table. Jean’s parents ask him about school but it seems like no one other than Grantaire notices that he doesn’t eat, just pushes the food around on his plate.

Jean sits on his bed and watches Grantaire gather up his scattered pens and notebooks into his bag.

“Please don’t tell anyone.” Jean says and Grantaire looks at him.

“I won’t tell anyone, I promise. Who else knows? I don’t want to say something near someone who doesn’t know.” Jean meets his eyes.

“You’re the only one.” He says quietly.

Grantaire walks over to him and kneels down to look him in the eye and when Jean nods, pulls him into a hug. “I’m going to make you a promise Jean. I promise that I will never tell anyone unless you tell me too. I promise that I will never treat you differently and I promise that I will always be here. That’s my promise but this is just something I have to say, okay? I know it must have taken a lot of courage to tell me and a lot of trust and I know this might sound dumb, but thank you for trusting me and telling me.” Jean knows that Grantaire can feel his chest heave.

“Thank you.” Jean says into Grantaire’s ear.

He gets up and walks him to the door, even though Grantaire has been over enough to not need Jean to show him to the door.

“See you tomorrow Jean.” Grantaire says, swinging his bag onto his back.

“See you tomorrow R."

**Author's Note:**

> i'm 30mychemnarglesfalloutatthedisco on tumblr, come say hi!


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